In 1982 I had just quit the touring band
Southern Touch and found a local group in the
Sunday Dallas Morning News Employment section that needed a lead guitar player
for a working band to start immediately. I called the number and talked to the
drummer/band manager who spelled out a less than favorable situation. Seems the
current guitar player was too much of a drunk and causing too many problems for
the other two lesser alcoholics in the band. The band was a three piece house
band for a little redneck C&W bar in Melissa Texas about thirty miles north of
Dallas. Wednesday thru Saturday nights 9 to 1pm. The club was called Wild Bills
Cowboy Country. The drummer suggested I come up and check it out. So the next
Wednesday night I tried to sneak in un-noticed to check the gig out. When I
walked into the small club the outgoing lead guitar player was farting into the
microphone he had stuffed up his rear end. The crowd roared. I remember
thinking; don't use that mic. I needed the gig so I took it. The crowd was the
same crowd every night. All locals that you got to know quicker than you might
want. After two weeks I was fired at the end of the Saturday night gig for not
being country enough. I was too rock and roll and they were a traditional
country band. The crowd liked me, but it was not what they were looking for. I
was playing requests that included rock and roll. I was the lead guitar player
along with a bass and a drummer. I thought everything was fine and was a little
surprised. Two weeks went by and I get a call from the band. Seems the regulars
are staging a boycott and refuse to come back unless the band gets back the rock
and roll guy that also plays country. That would be me. They sounded desperate!
I said the only way I would come back is if I was able to call the shots in the
band. I would be the new band leader. They agreed. I went back.
The bass player in that band was the lead singer. He knew EVERY country song
ever written. Had a great voice. Could nail Ronnie Millsap, Freddie Fender,
Merle Haggard, and everyone else's sound as well. He introduced himself as Luke
Williams. Not his real name. Luke was wanted by the law so he changed his name
from William Lucas to Luke Williams so he would not be found. Luke was not an
attractive person. He wore eyeglasses that were so thick it made his pupils look
as big as quarters. Giant sideburns that looked more like arm pit hair than
beard. Very large buck teeth that all pointed in different directions that were
varying shades of yellow, brown, and black. Luke also claimed to be allergic to
anything but Levi's that had not been washed for a few weeks. He and his equally
attractive wife lived in a trailer out in the country in an unregulated trailer
park. Luke lived for our gigs. He was as serious as could be. He liked singing
about bad situations. Very few happy songs. When Luke got to the end of his
songs he would raise his left foot back as a signal the song was ending.
Sometimes just for fun when Luke stood on one foot at the end of the verse I
would play the V to force him to stand there like a flamingo for twelve more
bars!
Luke would show up at the bar when they opened at 11am and sit there eating bar
food till show time at 9pm. He would eat all the free stuff like pretzels,
peanuts, goldfish, and buy jerky, pickled eggs, coffee, and beer. Luke also
favored the truck stop caffeine pills. Luke knew so many songs that many times
he would just say 2/4 in G. I would kick it off and he would sing some song I
never heard before. One night after a day of eating bar food all day Luke was
doing one of his obscure country pearls while I was paying minimum attention. I
kind of started to pay attention when I noticed I was in lead mode where there
should have been Luke singing. I looked over and Luke was about to puke. His
mouth was closed. His cheeks were bulging. He was burping and had the hiccups at
the same time while playing bass. He was trying his best. I watched in total
disgust shaking my head thinking; this IS my band now? At some point I yelled;
"SING!". At that moment Luke opened his mouth to sing and started projectile
vomit into the microphone. I IMMEDIATELY turned my back and tried to think happy
thoughts. The band was still playing, but if I look I might cut loose too! Luke
ended up quitting the band because he thought my opinion of him was that of a
clod. Could not argue that one.
I found another singing bass player. The crowd at W.B.C.C. out grew the
building. The club owner cons his next door neighbor to spend his new found
wealth from Rainbow Bread after his wife was killed driving one of their trucks
into building a new club right across the parking lot from the old club. They
asked for my input on the design. I suggested a square floor plan for maximum
space. Put the bandstand in the corner at least 4' off the dance floor. By
having the stage in the corner the sound would be even around the room. Put the
bar to the side. Not out in the middle. They did all that plus put in a concave
concrete floor with a huge drain in the middle. So they could fire hose down the
dance floor at night. Then shovel the broken glass, bottle caps, teeth, and
other debris off the drain grate into a garbage can every night after they
closed.
I saw more brawls in the nine months I played at Wild Bills than the rest of my
life total. I saw a lot of fights in the Navy. But those were just dudes
fighting dudes. At Wild Bills there was no sex discrimination. I saw a chick hit
a dude across the forehead with the fat end of a pool cue after he dared her to.
She wound up about 400 degrees and swung with all her might. The stick broke and
flayed the dudes forehead wide open. He stood there stunned, bloody and dazed.
She wound up and hit him two more times before his friends stepped in to help
him out to his truck. He was wobbly and still had his arms folded trying to look
brave. We only knew this guy as; Outlaw. Outlaw worked on a ranch, drove a
jacked up black F150 with a roll bar and lights. His bumper stickers said; Love
NY? Take I30 East, and SUCCEED written over a Texas Flag. He had the rifle rack
in the back window full of guns. I was sure Outlaw was heavily influenced by the
Urban Cowboy movie. His best friend was a one armed cowboy named; Cowboy. The
two of them was ready to fight at the drop of a hat and were at the club every
night. One night a fight broke out and every single man and woman started to
swing and wrestle one another. At least sixty people were involved in a cartoon
bar fight. Girls were jumping on dudes shoulders. Girls were pulling each others
hair out. Dudes were punching each others teeth out. Everybody was yelling. The
bartenders and club owner jumped over the bar to try and break it up and were
just involved like everyone else. Bottles were flying everywhere. The band kept
on playing. That is what they tell you to do when a fight breaks out. The theory
here is that if a fight breaks out in the back of the room; the band plays as a
distraction so that the situation does not escalate. But in this case the band
was the only ones not involved in the fight that went on for at least twenty
minutes before the State and County cops showed up and hauled half the town to
jail. While the fight was going on I called off the following songs; Up Against
The Wall Redneck Mother, Help Me Make It Thru The Night, Beer Drinkers and Hell
Raisers. Pretty good fighting songs huh? We were never scared or worried. We
knew the crowd loved us.
One night some of the local hot chicks picked up one of the regular drunks and
took him out on the highway and pushed him out of a car going about forty miles
per hour. He was pretty bruised up the next night when he came into the bar. The
hot chick showed up to apologize. He grabbed her extended hand and broke her
forearm over his knee. The next night they ran the same guy over in the gravel
parking lot with their Thunderbird. Pretty good driving for a chick with a
cast on her arm.
At some point I decided to take the show on the road. Get away from the from the
crowd I had come to know a little to well. I booked us some gigs in Lewisville
by the lake. One night we were playing at Davy Jones Locker. A very nice local
pub run by some Brits that ran a MUCH classier bar than we were use to. The
dance floor was packed while we launched into the last fast verse of Cotton Eye
Joe when an older couple fell onto the stage. I saw it coming. The stage was
only about six inches off the packed dance floor. The heavy set lady landed on
her butt and no damage was done. The fall did make a loud sound when my
microphone and stand fell into the drums and symbols. All of a sudden out of the
blue here comes Outlaw! We tried to keep the gig a secret from the
regulars at WBCC, but somehow Outlaw had found us and had the idea he was the
bands protector. He grabbed the old dude that was picking up his wife and
started pounding him as hard as he could! I had to jump in and save the poor old
guys life. "Down Outlaw! Down! BAD OUTLAW! BAD!!!!" I was yelling. I must have
hurt his feelings because we never saw Outlaw again. Whew!
One night while driving home from WBCC I was at a stop light in Garland. It was about 2am when a drunk lunatic came running over to my open passenger window, stuck his head inside the car and started screaming for Betty. "BETTY BETTY I KNOW YOUR IN HERE! WHERE IS BETTY?!!!" The light turned green. I said; "Not here". and sped off as fast as my 1982 Ford EXP four cylinder would go. Next thing I know I got the lunatic chasing me in his worn out Buick 225. He passes me and slides his big car into a road block as his hubcaps go flying off. I am in a much slower car, but more maneuverable. I am able to steer around his smoking overheated dinosaur car. Next thing I know we are racing the wrong way down one way streets repeating the same block and evade move several times. Usually when I come home at this time of night there are cops everywhere in Garland, but not this night. The chase went on and on. I was finally able to fake the lunatic out by letting him do his slide move just past a right turn I was able to make and elude him from that point.
That's showbiz!